PUT THE WEED DOWN, GEORGE

We hope George Michael isn't reading this as he'll probably just think it's a smokescreen for the US to invade Iran or something, as he has pulled his head out of its ever present fug of smoke long enough to accuse the media of using him and Britney Spears to keep serious issues off the news agenda. Do you really want to be comparing yourself with Britney?

He said: "In England I've probably had about 20 or 30 front pages in last two-and-a-half-years and what interests me is what else happened on those same days, and how much our government is getting away with day after day.

"It's the perfect cover-up to every major story they don't want us to hear: 'What did Britney Spears do today? Where did George Michael fall asleep?'"

Quite - as anyone can see, the government are excellent at keeping themselves out of the media and getting away with stuff at the moment. Just look at how easily Gordon Brown is getting on - disastrous Autumn election dithering, a hammering in the local elections, 10p tax rate U-turn, Northern Rock, the fuel crisis? Barely heard about them, it was all George, George, George, wasn't it?

Speaking about his marijuana use in 2006, George told the South Bank Show: "This stuff keeps me sane and happy."

Really? You're not sounding the most sane at the moment.