That's it - I've had as much as I can take. It is OVAH.
From tomorrow there will be no more Big Brother on Holy Moly until something worth watching is done by people worth supporting...
Finally! A bit of sense has been brought to the Heaven and Hell splits. Rather than leaving it to the whims of the moron housemates to pick who lives where, Big Brother made them all scoff chillies. Our heroine, Amazing Lisa, buggered it all up though. She nibbled a couple of chillies, thinking she had five minutes per chilli rather than five minutes in total. Gah!
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And to think we felt sorry for Captain Ginger Bonce! Rex showed his clueless toff-tastic nitwittedness in spectacular form last night. Luke and Becs revealed - in a rare uncensored conversation about the audition process - that they don't like Rachel because she had adopted an aggressively chatty persona during the group interviews to get in the house, only to be as loquacious as the Sphinx when she got through the doors.
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Did we hear that right? Did Rachel actually ask Darnell: "Darnell, are you black?"
WHA?! What the hell has she been thinking for the past six weeks? That Darnell is an unusually pale, somewhat odd looking, young man? That he just likes screwing up his eyes for fun? That he's complained about being partially sighted problems as a cry for attention?
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Hooray! Nominations! Surely the highlight of the week. Let's have a look at the bitchings best bits:
Luke: This snivelling little tosser could barely contain his glee when nominating Darnell. His sneaky plan to make Darnell head of house, only to maximise his albino nemesis's unpopularity, has been an outrageous success. And didn't Quacking Duck Boy know it: "As I wanted and knew and expected," he quacked, smugness pouring out of him, "he screwed up being Head of House. With great power comes great responsibility and great consequences."
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All the clichés that have made BB9 so 'great' were on display last night - perfect for any Big Brother drinking game.
Have a shot when:
Luke says "antithesis". He does this fairly frequently to show he's the brains of the bunch. The word always impresses dimwit trainee PR teacher Dale.
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Three cheers for Boob Woman – she yet again showed that the yoof of today are lazy pie-guzzling wasters with no determination or work ethic. Yes, bloaty Bex only managed to swing on a tire, dressed as a gorilla, for four minutes in an attempt to win the 'head of house' challenge. Four minutes! "I'm in pain" she screeched before clambering off.
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It was a nail biting finale to the French task. While Becs made a giant sized tit of herself, moaning and whinging and crawling across the floor in "agony" following the cycling challenge, our heroine Lisa and super-fit Stu dragged the housemates from hell to victory with their dazzling peddling skills.
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We're so fickle. Our love of Captain Ginger Bonce is rapidly turning to disgust!
BB announced the housemates from hell had a 30 hour cycling task on their hands. Rex, a housemate from heaven, immediately started bragging. "That's SO easy! That's SO easy!" he toffed. Boo! Later on he did an amateur dramatics turn in the diary room, saying that he's "found himself" in the house and doesn't want to "go back to being the person I was before". Hmmm. If he was so bad then why does he boast about it every five minutes? It doesn't add up. If he was up against anyone but Belinda it would be 'bye bye Ginger Bonce'.
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The food fight brought some squealing and shouting to the highlights show but the real action was happening in the diary room. It was nominations day and - for the first time this series - we're in an emotional quandary!
Amazing Lisa or our favourite ginge, Prince Rexypoos?
In a crazy kamikaze showdown our favourites both nominated each other.
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