DAVID AND VICTORIA BECKHAM
David and Victoria Beckham Gossip, News, Pictures, Photos, Videos & Scandals
| Who: David and Victoria Beckham (nee Adams), aka Posh and Becks, aka Derek and the Dog. When: 2 May, 1975 and 17 April, 1974 Where: Leytonstone, London and Harlow, Essex. What: Footballer and Singer, consummate celebrity culture parasites Height: 6 ft and 5 ft 4 in. Known For: Being quite good at kicking a ball, being the one who didn’t do much in the Spice Girls. |
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Victoria Adams was born to loving parents, a pipe cleaner and a soiled glove puppet, in 1974. Despite the unusual parentage Vicky, as she hates being called, made it to school, where she was mercilessly but deservedly bullied.
She got a gold star in floppy dancing and a merit in pouting, before being forced to seek her fortune standing in the background for experimental coal mining troupe the Spice Girls. She earned the nickname Posh Spice thanks to her pronounced lisp.
Coming from the other side of the tracks, David Beckham (known as Eggy to his family) had a luckier time at school than his future wife. Given responsibility for counting the milk bottles on only his first day, he steadily rose to become caretaker and then, at the age of 11, the youngest headmaster in the UK. Despite this precocious talent for leadership, his schoolmates regarded him as an ally and chose not to mock his ridiculous voice or ludicrous haircuts.
Things changed for David when, attending a headmasters’ conference, he suddenly decided that he’d rather play football instead, so joined Manchester United after seeing an ad in a newsagent’s window. He and jolly Scots manager Alex Ferguson soon became the best of friends.
It was on a boys outing that Beckham and Ferguson first spotted Adams, shovelling chips into those little paper cones in between Spice Girls shows. It was love at first sight, but on second sight Victoria decided not to pursue Ferguson and married David instead.
The wedding was a grand affair, held in a tent the size of a small market town and lasting for seven weeks until the money in the electricity meter finally ran out.
After a brief honeymoon in Frinton, the Beckhams set to building what would become known the world over as “Brand Beckham.”
David contributed to this by moving to Spain and having sex with girls who weren’t Victoria. Victoria made her contribution by losing weight, wearing over-priced clothes badly and looking like someone you want to punch were she not a gurl.
Most recently, the Beckhams, their brood and their monkey butler, Dennis, have relocated to the USA, where David hopes to bring football to the ignorant masses and Victoria hopes to be known for doing something, anything. They are all doomed to failure. Except Dennis.
She got a gold star in floppy dancing and a merit in pouting, before being forced to seek her fortune standing in the background for experimental coal mining troupe the Spice Girls. She earned the nickname Posh Spice thanks to her pronounced lisp.
Coming from the other side of the tracks, David Beckham (known as Eggy to his family) had a luckier time at school than his future wife. Given responsibility for counting the milk bottles on only his first day, he steadily rose to become caretaker and then, at the age of 11, the youngest headmaster in the UK. Despite this precocious talent for leadership, his schoolmates regarded him as an ally and chose not to mock his ridiculous voice or ludicrous haircuts.
Things changed for David when, attending a headmasters’ conference, he suddenly decided that he’d rather play football instead, so joined Manchester United after seeing an ad in a newsagent’s window. He and jolly Scots manager Alex Ferguson soon became the best of friends.
It was on a boys outing that Beckham and Ferguson first spotted Adams, shovelling chips into those little paper cones in between Spice Girls shows. It was love at first sight, but on second sight Victoria decided not to pursue Ferguson and married David instead.
The wedding was a grand affair, held in a tent the size of a small market town and lasting for seven weeks until the money in the electricity meter finally ran out.
After a brief honeymoon in Frinton, the Beckhams set to building what would become known the world over as “Brand Beckham.”
David contributed to this by moving to Spain and having sex with girls who weren’t Victoria. Victoria made her contribution by losing weight, wearing over-priced clothes badly and looking like someone you want to punch were she not a gurl.
Most recently, the Beckhams, their brood and their monkey butler, Dennis, have relocated to the USA, where David hopes to bring football to the ignorant masses and Victoria hopes to be known for doing something, anything. They are all doomed to failure. Except Dennis.