Janet Jackson attempts to look like a perfume bottle and succeeds. Sorry, Miss Jackson. TMZ

This is either Lily Allen or Jade Goody topless. WWTDD

Christina Aguilera looking like Penelope Pitstop crossed with Jordan. Dlisted

Rumer Willis's unusual face may be launching a singing career, just like daddy. ASL

Chloe Sevigny not looking so great in glasses. Websterismybitch

Ryan Adams offering to show Mandy Moore his 'Heartbreaker'. Celebwarship

Doherty and Winehouse in 'Dawn of the Deadbeats'. Mollygood

Mariah Carey's new name simply isn't cricket. ICYDK

Jennifer Aniston may be in love with John Mayer. The world rejoices. Laineygossip

Steve-O giggles but his bail bondsman might have known cameras would be present, judging by his t-shirt. Bauergriffinonline

Claudia Schiffer tries to look sexy by wearing only panties and a mask. Oh, it worked! CDL

Jude Law, spreading joy around the world as usual, but this time looking like a depressed Travis Bickle. ASL

Britney Spears' boots defy the laws of physics. How do they work? Dlisted

Those classy pictures of the Spears baby shower. Like C&A never ceased trading. Celebwarship

Mariah Carey's wedding pictures. This is the real bride and groom, despite looking like the plastic models atop the cake. Mollygood

The Pete Doherty welfare fund was nearly up to £20 when the popular man was released from custody. Contactmusic

Miley Cyrus has ruined her TV career. ICYDK

Kelly Osbourne's PA gets just a little too personal. With her tit. TMZ

Robert Downey Jr looking as amazed as anyone that 'Iron Man' is a success. LaineyGossip

Katie Holmes levitates while Stella McCartney goes all 'Stepford'. CDL

Matt 'Di-Do-Diddly' Damon turns into Ned Flanders. Justjared

After we'd spent the weekend fervently praying that it was all a big joke and that Pete Doherty would in fact be being put to death rather than released early from his 14-week stint for breaking the conditions of his suspended sentence, we learn that our prayers fell on deaf ears and he's been released. Damn you, The Lord!

Surprise, surprise, Pete Doherty will be out of prison next Tuesday after just 29 days. Pete was supposed to spend 14 weeks in jail but deep down, we all knew that he would be let out early.

Glastonbury organisers are apparently hopeful that Pete Doherty will get an early release from his sentence so that he can play the festival in June. Surely he won't get let out for good behaviour if reports in today's Sun about Peat taking HERON in prison are to be believed.

Just when you thought Pete Doherty was slumming it in prison with the other criminals, finally getting his comeuppence and somehow narrowly avoiding a beating each day, we have now found out that he is receiving special treatment...

Pete Doherty is currently languishing in prison, probably scribbling down all his thoughts for his secret diary as we speak. Which he will have plenty of time to devote to, as he won't be receiving any visitors anytime soon.

Just when it looked like good old Pete was sorting his life out - no court appearances and only the odd late night trip to Amy's Crackhouse - we learn that the Poet of this Generation is flirting with the dreaded Scientology. Has Tom Cruise tired of chasing the Beckham millions and turned to the Doherty, err, loose change and fag butts?

A few lucky fans managed to see Pete Doherty perform his unique brand of bland at the Powers Bar in Kilburn on Wednesday night after the low-key gig was announced via the internet. You can tell the quality of an artist by the quality of the fans, so guess which artist would have the most misguided, self-obsessed and foolish fans around? Step forward Pete and your legion of misfits, pretentious kids and downright criminally idiotic...