A warrant was issued for the arrest of tortured artist Pete Doherty yesterday, after he failed to appear in court over charges of breaking the camera of a photographer foolish enough to try to take pictures of his gurning, pus-ridden visage. This was the second time the forgetful singer (who always used to be able to remember to take heroin, buy shit Jaguar cars and wear a dodgy hat) failed to turn up at the magistrates court, hence the issue of the warrant.

What would Kate Moss be doing flouncing into the exclusive New York store Petit Tresor and demanding that they close so that she can shop in private? Well, she'd be acting like a spoilt little bitch as usual. Unfortunately her privacy seems to have been severely ruptured by someone in the shop as they have revealed what she bought on her trip.

Here's an entry for P Doeherty's diary, Kate Moss has reportedly thrown boyfriend Jamie Hince out of her home after a heated argument. Kate was apparently jealous of a female fan who has been spending too much time with the The Kills guitarist but we thought she'd be used to that kind of thing by now after dating Pete. But then again, it is Pete, so perhaps not...

Proof that roadies can do more than say 'One-Two'. TMZ

Megan Fox is looking for a new Optimus Prime. WWTDD

Jake Gyllenhaal looking totally butch on a horse. Dlisted

Cheryl Cole decided hips and waists are so out this season. Hollywoodtuna

Rose McGowan and Roberto Rodriguez still together. Hurrah! And they said it wouldn't last (unlike his marriage). Celebwarship

Lifeless, cold and emotionless. Tyra Banks waxwork is uncannily realistic. Mollygood

Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes film faces some stiff (and funnier) competition. ICYDK

If Pete Doherty can retain memories then Kate Moss should be worried. Hollyscoop

Colin Firth looks for a hedge to drag himself through. Again. Laineygossip

Mmmm. Christina Ricci and her disproportionate forehead and chest. Yeeeah

Poor Pete Doherty. As if being the tortured poet for a generation and phoning in a rubbish performance at Glastonbury wasn't enough, the poor little urchin is still missing Kate Moss. Which means that the rest of the world has to suffer as he posts his increasingly-ridiculous videos on his YouTube account, lamenting the loss of his stick-thin lover.

Here's the latest offering by the sixth-form student version of Shelley. It's a song of love, loss and regret with the not-at-all-pretentious title of 'Bohemian Love'. It's a beautifully-shot video, naturally (and not at all pretentious), with just a hint of Kate to hint at the identity of his love (oh, and the fact that there's a picture of them snogging does rather give the game away).

Best of all is the dreamy breathless vocal, because it gives us yet another reason to dislike the strangely-bloated heroin addict.

He's started to sound like Sting.

Kate Moss is apparently desperate for baby number two. That's if she still remembers that she has child number one. Kate is so broody that when she was approached by a fan with a baby (hold on, she has a fan who is a grown woman with a child?) she was so taken by it that she nearly didn't give it back.

Apologies if your breakfast is still settling, but here's some wonderful footage of Pete Doherty in the bath, which is probably an event rare enough in itself to be preserved on YouTube. This appears to be Pete's new way of communicating with his legion of rabid fans (and much easier than all that tiresome song-writing nonsense - those lyrics don't write themselves and he doesn't have a bottomless well of English Literature GCSE notes, you know).

Thrill, as his body moulds to the tub like a melted candle! Gasp, as the water doesn't immediately leap out of the bath in horror! Sigh, as he begins talking in that oddly lisping posh voice, which always seems to be set to sixth-form student whine!

Best of all, you can witness his acting skills as a 'totally unexpected' knock on the door interrupts his self-important musings. A truly great performance, worthy of 'Carry On Droning'.



More of the grubby little man after the jump...

It seems that 63-year-old Rod Stewart needing some extra oxygen on standby is a bit of a shock to festival organizers in Norway. Compared with Pete Doherty or Amy Winehouse it sounds quite tame to us and is probably way more commonplace than you'd think.

Hilarious prankster Pete Doherty really does have a death wish. Apart from the drugs and the crimes against good music, he's managed to upset Millwall fans during that 'celeb' soccer tournament at their stadium. You remember the event where the talentless z-listers ran around the pitch like they were being chased by demented wasps?