The NME Awards were held last night and the results were pretty much the same as The Brits so we don't really see what the point is in having both. And obviously they got the word 'hero' confused with the word 'twat' as that's the only explanation for why Pete Doherty won anything.

According to The Sun, Pete Doherty is going up in the world and despite only making a profit of £29k last year has turned down a modelling job that didn't meet his £30,000 price tag. WTF?

Pete Doherty is £15,000 better off after a Californian tycoon - who lives up to the old adage of having more money than sense - paid that ludicrous amount to see the Babyshambles man do a private performance in his living room.

Pete Doherty has announced that he is to play the Royal Albert Hall and someone has actually taken him seriously and booked the venue for the night. Quite how he intends to fill this sizable auditorium is unknown, but there'd better be one hell of a guest list to get the place even half full. It's a solo gig, so even Babyshambles' other members won't be there.

Apparently Pete Doherty is now taking bookings to play at birthday parties (and will probably be available for bar mitzvahs, weddings and private functions too) after agreeing to perform at a fan's party for £100. Bit steep isn't it? And before you ask, no, he won't perform magic tricks or make animal shapes out of balloons as part of the fee.

If you haven't already diverted your eyes to our brand new Amy Winehouse/Pete Doherty T-Shirt, 'You're never alone with a glass trombone' (never a truer word said), then why the hell not? Have a look at the designs after the jump and buy one straight away. In fact buy two, your friends will only try and steal one.

Buy Holy Moly! T-shirts here.

For more on Peet and Amy and the joys of the glass trombone, take a look at Peet's secret diary.

Michael Jackson is not my father. Is he? SeriouslyOMG

Paris Hilton doesn't kiss girls... unless she has her top off. Celebwarship

Paris Hilton goes out with her new girlfriend. Dlisted

What is Gerard Depardieu so captivated by? Sophia Loren's breasts, obviously. SeriouslyOMG

Kate Moss plans to get married. Hollywoodrag

While Pete Doherty turns to a man, who actually looks grubbier than him. Perezhilton

Katie Holmes gives us another clue as to who isn't the father of Suri. Femalefirst

Celebrities do a good deed. Mollygood

J.Lo giving birth? Do we care? ICYDK

Somehow 'I'm off the drugs now/back on the drugs again' Pete Doherty has reportedly managed to impregnate a woman. Doherty apparently slept with a 20-year-old student called Laura Mclaughlin (bizarrely the god daughter of Alex Ferguson) who now claims she is three months pregnant with his child. And I wouldn't want to be Pete when Sir Alex finds out.

Amy Winehouse attempts to polish a turd. Dlisted

But this is the most disturbing pic of Amy so far. It's like 'Pan's Labyrinth'. Justjared

Kate Moss may be seeing Pete Doherty again. In court. Mollygood

Rumer Willis has given up on the whole 'trying to look attractive' thing. Dlisted

Jennifer Love Hugebits turned Playboy down. Call nurse! My sides! Ninjadude

Lily Allen looks like she's carrying the baby in her buttocks. Justjared

Scarlett Johansson. Would. Until the neighbours complained about the smell. Egotastic

Tobey Maguire looks like he wants to be in Travis. ASL

Victoria Beckham to remake 'The Fly'? CDL

Sharon Stone wants to eat warm, fresh brains. A zombie in lipstick. Dlisted