While you might have been forgiven for thinking that the Lohan family was completely devoid of morals - a collection of fame-hungry publicity leeches, alcoholics and serial fornicators - you would be wrong. There is a line to be drawn and that line is plastic surgery. The Lohans hate it apparently. Although at the rate that LiLo is degrading, it'll be interesting to see if she has the same opinion in ten years.

Ah. The ongoing 'are they or aren't they?' saga between Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. The definitive answer is: 'Yes, they ARE the most annoying pair of idiots on the celebrity circuit at the moment.' The latest rumour which the giggling pair of naughty schoolgirls are attempting to foist upon the world is that they have matching tattoos. Crazy and wild, I'm sure you'll agree. But mummy Ronson claims they don't...

Hooray for Dolly Parton! The country music legend (who looks remarkable for 105) made a few jokes about Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan at a concert in LA the other night. And assuming that neither Britney or Lindsay have much in the way of a sense of humour, it could be hair extensions at dawn the next time either of them bump into Dolly.

There have been rumours floating around for a while about Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson planning a wedding (now that gay marriage has been legalised in California). This may come as a huge surprise, but Lindsay's publicity-shy, retiring father Michael (the Mitch Winehouse of LA) has broken his silence and decided to comment on the unfounded rumours. As usual.

Amy Winehouse has a Slush Puppy machine delivered to her house? The luxury! TMZ

Lindsay Lohan forgot to stop off at Planet Bra on her way out. WWTDD

Katie Holmes in auditions for the Dexy's Midnight Runners comeback tour. Dlisted

Rhys Ifans acting like an utter prick, as usual. Contactmusic

Christina Applegate diagnosed with breast cancer. Celebwarship

More on Verne Troyer. Could you be scared of his 'drunken rage' when he isn’t even three feet high? Mollygood

James Blunt blasts media intrusion. Co-incidentally, he has a new single out today. ICYDK

Tommy Lee asks Pamela Anderson to marry him every day. Must have a shocking memory. Hollyscoop

When Christian Bale lost all sense and began to resemble the Hoff. Laineygossip

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are living a lie. Yeeeah

Hayden Panettiere not too delighted at getting a parking ticket. Mikeymars

Kate Moss goes on holiday. With her daughter. Popsugar

Los Angeles' police chief, Wiliam Bratton, has announced today that crime rates have gone down significantly in recent months because Britney is now wearing knickers, Lindsay is a 'lesbian' and Paris is out of town. Obviously he's talking about paparazzi-related crime, not the other type like murder, rape or armed robbery.

Carmen Electra does 'Hamlet'. Just joking, she's stripping off again. TMZ

Amy Winehouse receives an urgent shipment of what might be blood. WWTDD

You can see why Sam Ronson usually wears a hat. Dlisted

Who you gonna call? Steve Carrell. There may be a new 'Ghostbusters' movie. Contactmusic

This is why Selma Hayek's baby always looks delighted. Derekhail

What made Naomi Campbell and Heidi Klum fall for this multi-billionaire? Celebwarship

For some reason Samantha Ronson's career is on the up. Can't think why. Mollygood

Ali Lohan cuts to the chase and auditions for a porn director. Hollyscoop

Did Katie Holmes evict Tom's mother and sister from the house? ICYDK

Tori Spelling (and her ever-interesting face) are down on their luck. Laineygossip

Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong are no longer having a ball. Yeeeah

It was widely reported that Lindsay Lohan was struck by a passing motorcycle at the weekend. Despite the fact that normally she would be milking such a tragic event for all it was worth, the actress has been strangely quiet about the whole affair, passing up chances to appear on the cover of glossy mags alongside the words 'My Suzuki Hell' with surprising good grace.

Johnny Depp not being nice in Nice. TMZ

Tori Amos (remember her) looking like a muffin in a red wig. WWTDD

Britney Spears sunbathing and looking like a frying sausage needing a good forking. Dlisted

Sam Ronson isn't friends with the whole Lohan household. Celebwarship

Oliver Stone's movie about GW Bush looks even less believable than the one about JFK. Stereohyped

Denise Richards is more mental than ever. Wonderful mental car-crash TV. Mollygood

Mariah Carey wants her husband to get 'a real job'. Hasn't he suffered enough? Hollyscoop

Maggie Gyllenhaal wears a net curtain soaked in chicken tikka to premiere. Laineygossip

Ever wondered if Scarlett Johansson was pretty when she was 16? Gentlemen, start your engines. Yeeeah

The irony. Lindsay Lohan knocked over by a bike. TMZ

Kirsten Dunst to direct the least interesting film ever. WWTDD

Which part of Madonna is more gruesome – arms or head? Dlisted

Sienna Miller's man may not be as rich (or as besotted) as she hoped. Celebwarship

Madonna messes with Gerald Butler's arse. This is Farter! Mollygood

Paris Hilton feels like a grown-up now. Can someone get her one? ICYDK

The Britney/K-Fed custody battle is finally over. Hollyscoop

Guy Ritchie is promoting his next film. I'll wait for the DVD in a few weeks. Laineygossip

Zac Efron says 'bubba-bubba-bubba-bubba-bubba' probably. Yeeeah

Surprisingly, Matthew McConaughey has his three-week old son at the beach already. ASL