If Gawker.com are to be believed (and they are more often right than not) then the voicemail transcript they have uncovered might just show Lindsay Lohan's father Michael has unravelled faster than a ball of wool after a session with a demented kitten. In an incredible self-pitying rant (an uber-whine, if you will) Michael apologises for his constant blabbing to the press and promises he will be a good person in future.

Lily Allen is to add a duet with Li-lo to her new album. 'Why?' is the first question that leaps to mind. If it's good publicity Lily is after then La Lohan is not going to help.

Victoria Beckham did not have sex with Corey Haim but they may have kissed. Hollyscoop

Why would Lily Allen need two cigarettes at once? TMZ

The Lohan/Ronson 'just good friends' line is wearing a bit thin now. Popsugar

"I have plans for you young man. Come with me," says Sharon Stone. Dlisted

Paris Hilton can't afford a bikini top that fits. Yeeeah

Michael Lohan talks candidly about camel balls. Mollygood

Britney's new album is 'aggressive'. Like rabies, presumably. OK

New Bond trailer with Daniel Craig giggling his head off. Just joking. Laineygossip

Lindsay Lohan has reportedly just received a wonderful surprise. She has a half-sister out there somewhere, conceived by her father Michael while he was still married to her mother. Luckily, only 13 years have elapsed since Michael shaking his tail outside the marriage bed and the news emerging.

Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong on a tennis court. New ball please? Laineygossip

Sometimes you just have to applaud an undeniably great headline about Tori Spelling. WWTDD

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson go browsing for dungarees. Dlisted

Juliette Lewis off for a wander with her shirt barely there. Celebwarship

Irony, for Pamela Anderson, is what you get creases out of trousers with. Mollygood

Why is Mel Brown wheeling her way into LA? Contactmusic

Cynthia Nixon is pissed off, and with good reason this time. ICYDK

Debbie Harry is 62, and you still would, wouldn't you? CDL

You won't believe this but Jennifer Lopez has been acting like an utter psycho diva bitch. IDLYITW

Arnold Schwarzenegger in perhaps the tiniest briefs the world has seen. TMZ

Looks like Lindsay Lohan isn't pregnant then. WWTDD

Jessica Simpson doesn't rely on her father for everything, then. Dlisted

Courtney Love is looking for a nice old mansion to haunt. Celebwarship

Shia LeBeouf is a real Hollywood hellraiser. Mollygood

Rihanna still not in love, honestly. ICYDK

Anna Nicole Smith's ex buys lingerie for her infant daughter. Hollyscoop

Will Smith in Moscow, deciding whether Scientology crushes the spirit more than Communism. Laineygossip

Spears' baby born with ten fingers and toes, despite the shallow gene pool. ASL

Having had two flings with Lindsay Lohan already you can see why Calum Best reckons if he bumps in to Lindsay in LA there might be a chance they'll 'get together' (i.e shag). Well he might think that but some would say that Lindsay, after doing the horizontal tango with men like Calum, has decided that it's women she prefers and he has missed the bus – or indeed is on the wrong bus altogether.

Jordan's son Harvey makes his feelings clear. Dlisted

Jennifer Lopez appears to be sucking the life out of her skeletal husband. Celebwarship

George Clooney got over his recent love split by dating another woman. Weeks before the break-up. Hollyscoop

Kid Rock calls off concert because of diarrhoea. Rock 'n' roll! TMZ

Despite once dating Madonna, Warren Beatty is a big old softy. Laineygossip

Lindsay Lohan pretending to be pregnant on set. Sam Ronson 'puzzled'. ASL

Jessica Simpson confident about her sexuality. CDL

Mini-Me is a hit with the full-sized ladies. Splash

Sarah Jessica Parker doesn't need 'Anything But You'. Apart from a gag and a bag on her head.

Lindsay Lohan has asked that her name be removed from the list of nominees for the Emmy awards. Well, actually she hasn't yet been nominated, but it was bound to happen (wasn't it?) and Lindsay feels that her role in 'Ugly Betty' was too short to be included in the Outstanding Guest Actress In A Comedy Series award, lasting a mere few hilarious moments.

P Diddy buys a car for £200,000 and then someone crashes into it. Excellent. TMZ

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson have really missed each other. WWTDD

Kate Hudson imitates the Keira Knightly washboard chestline. Hollywoodtuna

Scientology has a new mortal enemy. Pirates, yaaar! Celebnewswire

Lionel Richie reveals the torture of spending years in the company of his daughter. Celebwarship

Columbia Pictures attempting the greatest shark jump ever with 'The Smurfs' movie. Mollygood

Keira Knightley to appear in remake of 'My Thin Lady'. ICYDK

Tori Spelling gives her daughter a beautiful name – Stella Doreen. Laineygossip

Courts rule that Britney still has to ask dad for her pocket money. Hollyscoop

Celebrity gossip simply doesn't get any better than this. Mischa Barton stepping in some dog shit. Hollywoodrag

'Transformers' director learns never to use geeks as extras. Defamer