Have a wild guess at what this new Lindsay Lohan track sounds like. Is it a slice of electro pop genius? A moving ballad or anything remotely interesting? Nope it sounds like something Britney passed on six years ago. The lyrics brilliantly play on her image as a bit of an... ahem 'sex kitten' by saying how bossy she is on the dance floor, which is a BIT LIKE THE BEDROOM ISN'T IT!

George Clooney turns 47 but doesn't look a day over 30. Much like his grilfriend. Laineygossip

Some organisation called 'Mingling Mom's' (and that's not a typo) has declared that Lindsay Lohan's mother Dinah is one of Long Island's top 20 mothers. This begs the questions – are 'Mingling Mom's' deranged or are there really only 20 mothers in the whole of Long Island?

Like a hip hop A-Team called in to polish musical turds when no one else can help, Timbaland, Pharrell and Snoop Dogg are doing Lohan's new album. The ink will have barely dried on their cheques before they casually select a ready made tune from the laptop to email in. They may even phone in a few 'uh huhs' 'yeahs' and 'are you feelin me, Lindsay?' vocals too. If Lohan has a sense of humour she'd do a cover of 'Maneater'.

So what is going on with Lohan and this Samantha Ronson then? Rumour has it that Lohan has moved in with her (girl)friend and is acting more demented than a pitbull with chili sauce on its nadgers if any other girl talks to her.

Beyonce did get married earlier this month. Here're the documents. TMZ

A million perverts are envious of a scruffy dog getting close to Natalie Portman. WWTDD

Great magazine cover, because one bullet could finish them all. USAweekend

"You're doing it!" Penelope Cruz in a sex scene with Ben Kingsley. Sorry, SIR Ben Kingsley. Egotastic

Russell Brand forgot to take his nightie off. Dlisted

Ali Lohan is the hardest working teenager in the world. Celebwarship

Why not be a disgusting bastard and bid to buy Barack Obama's half-eaten breakfast. Mollygood

Mariah Carey was 'kidnapped in a golden cage'. And made untold millions from the event. ICYDK

Never thought I'd see this. It's Geri Halliwell talking utter patronising shit. Hollyscoop

Tom Cruise's adopted son to star in Will Smith film. Resistance is useless, Will. ASL

This is how Homer Simpson would look if he were a real human. Like a cartoon with no eyelids, then. Mollygood

Like father like son. Brooklyn and Romeo Beckham are delighted by a massive set of basketball tits. TMZ

Emma Watson forgot her 'Trim-alcio' spell. WWTDD

Carmen Electra turns 36, and doesn't she look delighted? Hollywoodrag

Scientology exposed. The full exposé of former member Jason Beghe, but under a very unfortunate title. Xenutv

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are still 'friendly'. Celebwarship

PETA using dumb animals to promote their cause again. Mollygood

Tom Cruise attempting to scale the upper slopes of Katie Holmes. SeriouslyOMG

Paris Hilton would like a double (shotgun) wedding. Defamer

Poor Lindsay Lohan has been having a tough time of it lately, what with the addictions, the personal life played out in front of the press and the fact that she acts (badly) in a succession of utterly terrible films. So it's nice to know she has a good support network to keep her going through troubled times and provide a shoulder to cry on. Well, she has one mate anyway, but they are best of friends.

Michael Lohan is up on his moral high horse again, which is somewhat cheeky seeing as he's half responsible for inflicting his daughter Lindsay on the world. He has spoken out with fury about the new reality show that his children will be involved in. Is this a concerned father speaking out about the intrusion of cameras into every moment of his daughter's daily life? No, he's annoyed because it was his idea and he isn't getting the credit he feels he deserves.