Gaudy Knight And The Pits

Elton John, the shy and retiring example of good taste and minimalism, is reported to be flapping his hands in frustration and having tantrums while shaking his pudgy fists at the sky.

The reason? He may not be allowed to construct the gaudy shit palace he calls an art gallery in the grounds of his already monumentally tacky mansion.

The Baron of Bad Taste had put in plans for a stately pleasure dome to be open to the public, who would wander around and gaze in awe at his glittering baubles and paintings of dogs playing cards.

Unfortunately, Malcolm Beer (great name), a local councillor, has voiced his opposition, albeit with remarkable restraint.

"The appearance of the proposed gallery seems to be… architecturally confused," Beer said.

Which is another way of saying: "It looks like some old queen went berserk with the magic markers and designed a knocking shop for pirates, aristocratic dandies and the type of people who think 'baroque' is a wrestler."