i wake up at 8, you, the cunt next door wake up at 6, and rather than buy a 59p of de-icer and use a bit of elbow muscle to scrap the windscreen on your shitty van (which your parents no doubt lived in for years and bummed each other and even though they knew they were brother and sister they had you, you chav twat) you start the engine and leave it with a loud shitty exhaust growling away till your windscreen clears waking everyone up.
I swear, I will staple your nuts to a train and as it trundles out of the station with you screening like a banshee, i shall be smiling.

..who walk very slowly across the main road in front of your car, with the smug "I dare you" look on their face. Well, let me tell you, I'm buying a fucking juggernaught and I'm coming to mow down every last fucking one of you!!!!

I swear to Jesus bloody Christ, the next time one of you pompous, self-righteous, 'I'm saving the environment' cock stains runs a red light or zebra crossing and almost hits me, it'll be the last thing you ever do. I WILL go Travis Bickle on you and you Will die.

For wearing shorts and a T-Shirt this morning, as I don full cold weather gear just to open the door to the cunt

for saying she is too busy to write and release any new songs.

For the eye wateringly brilliant S&M Albums, making driving fast that bit more fun

For banning the Nickelback sofa ad because you said that they made their sofas look bigger than they actually are.

We know the real reason you did it is because you find it as fucking irritating as we do.

Chelsea, Arsenal... the rate they're going my local boozer will become a decent place to visit again when the footie is on.

but everyone else thinks you're a cunt.

Seen one baby, you have seen them all

Any element of cool about you will always be lost instantly the moment your brolly turns inside out in the gales and driving rain.

leaves you feeling great for longer than a good shag does.