FUR COAT FOR NO KNICKERS

The New York Post are reporting that Lindsay Lohan is being sued for stealing a woman's fur coat from a nightclub. Criminal mastermind Lindsay clearly believed she had carried out the perfect crime, despite the fact she was pictured going into the club not wearing a coat and then snapped leaving the club with a rather expensive item of animal skin. Dammit! How was she rumbled?

Now stealing a coat is a bad thing. Let's get that straight. It's very naughty indeed, but the reaction of Maria 'Masha' Markova', the former owner of the coat is worse than the crime itself.

OK, she lost a vulgar coat (which was later returned by Lohan), but she has decided to launch court action against the actress, and all in the tone of voice which would suggest Lindsay also murdered her family and put a curse on her pet kitten. The lawsuit claims:

"[Lohan's] actions were intentional, oppressive and malicious and were carried out with reckless disregard for plaintiff's rights. Plaintiff has been injured by the defendant's actions."

Presumably by getting cold. Lohan, you MONSTER! This woman is cold! Getting to the heart of the lawsuit, Masha would feel a little bit better if she was paid a huge amount of money in compensation.

"We are seeking punitive damages, which can be substantial, especially if it turns out that the underlying facts amount to a crime.”

She stole your coat. It was a crime. Get over it! She even gave it back, for God's sake! It's a pity the poor animal who owned the coat in the first place doesn't have a lawyer like Masha's, who'd be looking at prison time for certain.