NEWSMOUND

Noel Fielding takes the 'Vince Noir' nihilism a bit too far. Dlisted

Tony Curtis about to run amok around Westworld. TMZ

Emma Watson is now 18 and worth £20m. Form a queue, gentlemen. WWTDD

Joe Calzaghe would punch Al Pacino, but he's made of mahogany and looks like a middle-aged lesbian. Dlisted

Brooklyn Beckham's next birthday present is sorted. Jezebel

Britney's ex-manager still not allowed within 250 yards of her. Celebwarship

Akon is more like Billy Liar than Biggy Smalls. Mollygood

Paris Hilton in tribute to great musical and literary figures. The Smurfs. ICYDK

Oh dear! The next 'Incredible Hulk' film may be even worse than the first after Ed Norton has more hissy fits than Graham Norton. ASL

Jude Law's hairline is growing into the 'Batman' symbol. Splash

Nicolas Cage must be so proud of his lovely little son. TMZ

ITV4 throws its hands in the air and screams "Fuck it! I give up!" DS