ROOM RAIDER

I know that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt do a lot of worthwhile work for charity, but that doesn't mean they're beyond paying hotel bills like the rest of us shameful mortals, does it? The glamorous pair (who are hardly short of a bob or two) are currently in Texas, for which they deserve a scintilla of sympathy, to be fair, while Brad wanders across the set of his new movie 'Tree Of Life' looking mean and serious in equal measures.

So they and their rainbow nation of children need a place to stay. The accommodation offered by the movie makers clearly isn't up to their high (but caring and charity-driven standard), so they decided to approach the Hyatt Lost Pines Resort and make them an offer for a luxury private house at the facility.

They made exactly the kind of offer that, if made by you or I would see us escorted immediately towards a bank of security men who hadn't been fed for a week and who clearly had evil aforethought at the front of their minds.

The cost of staying at this particular hotel? A mere $2,000 per night.

And Brangelina's generous offer? They would be prepared to stay at the resort for 30 nights for a total bill of... $3,000.

The utterly cheeky bastards! When the staff managed to stop gasping with laughter for a few seconds they turned their merry faces towards the pair and gasped 'Fuck off!', before collapsing into more fits of giggles. Brad and Angelina sulked away and rented a nearby house (for significantly more than $3,000 a month).

Still, as my grandmother used to say, "If you don't ask, you don't get." Or as I say, "If you don't ask, you don't look like an utter twat."