HOLMES ALONE

Star magazine is claiming that Katie Holmes is finding life with Tom Cruise increasingly difficult. What could be hard about living with a power-crazed madman who is second in command of his own religion? Tsk! These earth women are so weak. Poor human Katie is reportedly suffering from headaches and dizzy spells, so perhaps she has been forced to watch some of Tom's recent films.

Somehow the magazine has an insider in camp Cruise (not an expression you'll often see), who is spilling the beans on the couple's most intimate secrets. Either that or... Anyway, they claim:

"Katie doesn't get enough sleep — and hasn't for months now. She's tired and drained much of the day because Tom is so wired, and they stay awake until after midnight. He has boundless energy, and she just can't compete."

Well, she obviously needs to spend some more money on Scientology! The more cash ploughed in, the less of those horrible engrams polluting the system, and Tom is semi-living proof of that.

Tom also disappears for days on end and is secretive about where he has been, telling her:

"You can be with me, but don't ask about it."

It's obvious. He’s making the next episode of 'Mission: Impossible'. Where he battles non-believers in outer space then flings them into a volcano. In his head. Cuckoo!