VULGAR SEEKS BULGAR

Katie 'Jordan' Price is a woman who knows what she wants. And she wants to adopt a Bulgarian baby. Not a Croatian child, not an Albanian toddler, but a bona fide Bulgarian baby, because she saw some Bulgarian toddlers on TV and she wants one. Let's hope that Katy doesn't have QVC on her set-top box, otherwise that massive fortune might be squandered away on tacky, glittering impulse buys. And babies.

Someone crueller than me might point out that the former 'Mother of the Year' might be better concentrating on spreading a little love around the family she already has, but Jordan appears determined to dilute the love pool even further.

"I'm not an emotional person but I saw this thing on TV the other day about Bulgarian orphanages and it broke my heart. I definitely want to adopt a Bulgarian baby. I've got the room and Peter would help out."

I think the line "I've got the room and Peter would help out," is bound to swing it with any adoption agency out there. It's so heartfelt, after all. And her adoption credentials were given an even bigger kick in the crotch when she moo-ed vacuously,

"The way I deal with my children is that when they cry I just go, 'Are you crying? I can't hear you! You'll have to cry louder.' You know - that reverse psychology. But Pete can't deal with them crying. I think that's the difference between men and women."

Infants are so stupid, aren't they? Not understanding that whole reverse psychology thing? Hardly surprising that Peter Andre is also struggling with the concept, but maybe he's part of the old-fashioned school that pay babies some attention when they are upset. Idiot. That's why he's never been 'Mother of the Year', the caring twat.