I'm Still Standing, unfortunately

There's a new biography of Elton John by David Buckley on its way out, so expect a steady trickle of hilarious tales about how the short, fat fool behaved like a complete arse during his drug binge days.

Amid the tales of months spent bawling in bed, tantrums at Christmas and mountains of cocaine, is Bernie Taupin's often told version of one of the most famous incidents in the Elton John story and the inspiration for his song 'Someone Saved My Life Last Night'.

It's 1975 and Elton is due to marry Linda Woodrow (yes, a woman). Being a big old gay, Elton's not so keen on the idea and, feeling pressured and melodramatic, decides to kill himself by sticking his head in the oven and gassing himself.

Fortunately (or not, depending on your point of view), Taupin walked in and found him. But, rather than rushing to Elton's aid, Taupin burst in to hysterical laughter. Why? Well, not only had Elton turned the gas to the lowest possible setting and opened all the windows, but he'd also put a pillow in the oven to rest his head on.

Needless to say, Elton made a full recovery.