Marsh Not Fair

Jodie Marsh was faced with a terrible dilemma, and unfortunately it wasn't a bullet to the forehead or slit wrists in a nice, hot bath.

Now that she has her own (downsized) TV series she's risen to the top of the pile, like a turd floating in a swimming pool. MTV's 'Totally Jodie Marsh', follows her attempt to find a husband as the camera tracks her every move, oozing around the place and leaving a silvery trail behind her, like a slug but without the personality.

One problem: where does this leave her devoted boyfriend? Need you even ask? This leaves him next to the curb, torso and head pointing out of the wheelie bin, waiting for the council to collect him.

The dumped party is the ironically named Matt Peacock, who has lost the love of his life to her insatiable career. Dodged a bullet there, Matt! Move onwards and upwards to better things, like a relationship with a human instead of a slack-titted blow up doll with a Pinocchio nose and teeth like whitened desk lids.