BACKE ON TEH DRUGGES AGANE!

THIS WEKE: PRISENER SELL BLOCK H AND I DO MENE "H"

MR HOLY MOLY WRITES: This week's instalment of Mr Doherty's popular column reaches us via an unfamiliar route. It was delivered in the form of a tiny paper pellet evidently secreted intimately about the person of Mr Doherty's solicitor "Jimmy the Brief".

When ironed, disinfected and sprayed with strong deodorant, it reveals the following powerful portrait of life in Her Majesty's prison system, as well as some poorly-executed drawings of bottles of Jack Daniel's, guitars, various dogs and Mr Doherty's former associates Kate Moss and Amy Winehouse with added fangs, horns and penises on their heads. It is, we feel, an important document for our times. Now read on...

nite FALLS upon the unfortunat inmates of hm prisen WORMWORD SCABS the air is rent with terible CRIES i.e. 3 across 3 leters rimes with bat c something t wot do you THINK or help help mr barrowcluogh FLETCHER hav nicked my SNOUT or shhh the lovely VERITEY SHARP is on r3 she hav an xclusive session from the JIPSEY KINGS and maney similar hartrending things also a tiney mouse scamper along hallways a bag of HERON in its scrawnie JAWS a loanley wind HOWL through the craked windoes or is it just sellmate 23943284 fotherington-tomas blubering for his mater like a GURL i suspekt the latter.

yes sosiety hav agane consined peat to JALE.

wot is a chapp to do wen faced agane and agane with the deprivasion of his pesonal LIBERTE? wen the self apointed gardians of TRUTH and JUSTISE were the tawdrey mask of HIPOCRISEY? and wen he hav been sampeling the old fleetwood mac off and on purely in the interests of kreative XPLORATION and as a result the litmus paper burst into FLAME wen dipped into the old cup of WEE this is qite a site i can asure you they should hav it on tomorows WORLD.

ANEWAY it is a VEXING CONUNNDRUM.

one do lern a grate deal about the FUTILITE of the prisen sistem wen one find oneself on the revolving DOOR of the CORTS for instence how come abit of heron cost 2 pkts of lambert and butler  inside but £25 pounds on CIVVEY STRETE we should all go to jale reely it save a lot of mesing.

also how come the "news"papers sa the country is PLAGED by nonces peados rapeists flashers wife beaters ect ect but wen in nick everbode sa they are ther for none payment of COUNCIL TAX somthing ort to be done.

however let us look on the BRITE side. peat hav bene sentenced to 14 wekes wich in practise mene 7 then with good behavour 5 then nock off 3 wekes for inconvenience 2 for time spent waiting for trial another 3 becos peat is a POP STAR and get special tretement and BINGO! peat hav 3 wekes in the bank CHEERS CHEERS.

taxi to london's fasionabel SHORTDITCH for a special "release partey" for two i.e. me and my grate frend GORDON BROUN and before i go P.S. i hearby sentence dredful dandruff-faced parvenu and 90 per cent post-consumer waste recycled pop star JONEY BOGROLL from raisinlite to 3 wekes in JALE hurrah for BRITISH JUSTISE and demorarocracy the best in the hole wide WORLD.