ONE KANGAROO ANUS PLEASE!

Here we go.. Ladies & Gentlemen PLACE YOUR BETS!

Our Big Brother blog was a surprising hit this summer, so here we go with the difficult second album/blog...

First up a bit of goss - we hear that Katie Hopkins WILL be going in the jungle, probably to replace frizzy-miserablist Malcolm McLaren.
Anyway, so we're set for the start of the bestest reality show in the UK. More eating of genitalia, less "Oh I didn't realise we were going to be eating beans and rice" or "There are never seven portions here!" style bollocks.

You're in the jungle - it's been on telly before - your career REALLY needs it.

CONFIRMED CONTESTANTS:

1. Gemma Atkinson - Has categorically stated she will not get her tits out. ITV share price wavering. Will get her tits out.
   
2. Anna Ryder Richardson - Will despise Gemma Atkinson with every fibre of her being. Face a bit squashed.
   
3. Rodney Marsh - This show's dirty old man/misunderstood bigot etc. Will no doubt stare at the ladies quite a lot.
   
4. J from 5ive - Has not aged well etc.
   
5. Cerys Matthews - Most confusing entry. Indie queen of the 90s set to be doing voice overs for DFS by Christmas. Well, if it's good enough for Stuart Maconie. Will be the first to sing and/or run out of cigarettes.
   
6. Marc Bannerman - If you're forever known as "Beppe's brother", consider all hope of retribution to be fucked.
   
7. Janice Dickenson - Apparently a model. Face like a biro in a bonfire.
8. Lynne Franks - PR Guru. Her PR radar obviously a bit faulty at the moment, as Holy Moly is pretty sure that when celebrities look for a PR Guru, "Can eat maggots and shit in a plastic bag" aren't high up on their checklist. Never mind.

Obviously if Christopher Biggins DOES go in then he will be in the final two.

Obviously J from 5ive will act hard then have skidmarks the size of Kent when he has to jump out of a plane.

Obviously Janice Dickenson will stop looking like a human being after the first rain comes, washing away her make-up

Obviously Rodney Marsh will make some ill-advised comments regarding either Aborigines or homosexuals.

Obviously no one will give a shit about Beppe's brother.

Obviosuly it will be BRILLIANT.