I CAN GUT A BEAR!

Their team mate Rodney Marsh (something to do with football, who knows?) didn't do any jumping. They pretended it was because of the weather. We suspect it's probably illegal to throw
pensioners out of a helicopter on a bungee cord, as poor old Rodney would have most likely landed dead.

Anyway, these no-hopers are the 'Snake Rock' team. They are very much the supporting characters in this year's F-list-fiesta for the star of the show is undoubtedly self proclaimed 'world's first supermodel' Janice Dickinson (pictured above). She's had her neck tightened especially for the show and she's not taking any shit, least of all from lardy PR Lynne Franks.

Day one saw our heroine call Lynne a 'shrew', threaten to chop her tits off in the night and fry them and proclaim 'I know how to kill and gut a bear'.

She also tried to coax Malcolm McLaren out of his hotel room by banging on his door and yelling 'I knew Julian Temple in the 70s!' What a gal.

She's sharing a camp fire with the Croc Creek team; Franks, J from Five and Gemma Atkinson who was last seen handcuffed to a bed, doing a snuff movie in a Hollyoaks spin-off. It's a meeting of minds!

The good news is Janice demanded to do the first bush tucker trial and buggered it all up when she remembered she was phobic of eels and actually didn't fancy sticking her head in a barrel full of them. The public, in a rare moment of sanity, have voted for Jan to do the next trial – a sub aquatic car-escape routine – against Rodney Marsh (whoever that is). Hopefully this will be a repeat of the year they made that All Saint eat kangaroos bollocks until she had a nervous breakdown. It's obvious - Janice is the only thing worth watching about this programme. She's got a gift for comedy, melodrama and evil.

Cut the rest of them out. Jan's enough for anyone.

PS. STANDBY FOR KATIE HOPKINS ENTERING SNAKE ROCK TONIGHT!