Day 33: July 2nd

The concept of Seven Deadly Sins is even older than Jonathan and Carole and that is old, kids. Amanda the twin has been made to dress like a hotdog. GOD HELP MY SPLITTING FUCKING SIDES. Ziggy had to sit in a room full of tasty food and not eat it. Having spent the last few weeks 'sleeping' with Chanelle but not 'shagging' her this was no real departure for the ex-boyband member who lives with his mum and has a tiny dog that he really wuvs, the big gayer.

Also - the other day when they sang that song they had written, he was rubbish. Voice like a pet shop on fire. The others weren't bad really and the song was pretty good too but having seen 'Fergie' from the Black Eyed Peas performing yesterday, it's clear to me that the bar measuring 'decent music' has been lowered somewhat since I last looked.

The housemates should do a 'Partridge Family' (Google it if you're young) act. Jonathan (drums) and Carole (playing a Fender Precision bass I feel) can be the mum and dad, Trace can be the roadie, The Twins can be themselves, Nicky can be the narky tour manager, Chanelle, Laura, Liam and Brian can be the lead singers and Charley can be the volatile mentalist. Ziggy can do their hair. Are you listening, Cowell?

Oh, and wake up Charley. She was telling Nicky yesterday not to worry about Liam as there would be loads of great looking guys after her when she emerges from the house. That's right, Charley. You're all going to be celebs and as everyone knows, by definition that means being rich, happy, successful people engaged in fulfilling and healthy relationships. Just ask Ginger Spice.

The next task should be the removal of all food forever. Eventually they'll have to eat the furniture and ultimately each other. Now that I'd watch. Gerry, Laura and Carole are too nice for this cruel, cruel, Endemol-run world so I think they should do well. Nicky is being edited very unfavourably unless she really does not open her mouth without whining. For God's sake, babe, stand on your head and give us a smile already.