SHUT UP, HAEMORRHOID!

So far Mad Alex has ranted about people disrespecting: knickers, themselves, her, chips and now we can add 'cigarettes' to her nut-bag list.

The slap-headed mad woman had a mental meltdown when Mo and Rex nicked two of her fags. "I didn't come in here to be personalised," she frothed, accusing BB of being in on the fag-nicking plot. Later she pissed everyone off (for the fifth day running) by eating half the noodles while the house is without food. "You're a hypocrite," said ginger chef Rex astutely. "You violated my fags," replied Nutter Features Alex.

Kat, previously the source of some mirth, is getting on everyone's tits with her relentless "I love cookies" routine. She had a fake orgasm while talking about cookies, whiled away the hours eating imaginary cookies and went in the diary room and screamed "coookieeeeeeeee". Rubbish!

Meanwhile Mario - favourite to go on Friday - told Steph and Jennifer they were degrading themselves by wearing saucy knickers to do a Cheeky Girls dance routine.

Jennifer: "Do you think I look slutty?"

Mario: "It's your call."

The sham Italian shared his thoughts while getting his bum cheeks massaged by his leopard-print-loving lady friend Lisa. When Steph told him to shut up he retorted, "You shut up, haemorrhoid." He's a modern day Oscar Wilde.

Jennifer rounded off the night crying, "I'm a respectable mother boo hoo hoo," to be consoled by Alex. Really! The crazy strop-machine patted her on the back and said, "Don't worry, we're in here living the dream." Living the dream! WTF? What's her normal life like?


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