GRAPES ARE MY BEST FRIEND

It can't be fight, fight, fight every night of the week - as much as we'd like that - so it was back to boring business as usual in the Big Brother house. The cast of weirdoes and wannabes turned to the time honoured BB topic of deciding who is being 'real' or 'fake'.

Poor random brunette Rachel came in for some stick. They all hate this Welsh slimming champ. Why? She's "too nice"!

"This obnoxious happiness has to end," quacked Luke in a three-way bitch fest with coven sidekicks Jen (who is nothing without her slap *shudder*) and fat Becs.
 
"I didn't envisage Big Brother being like the happy Waltons," spat witchy Jen. To be fair Rachel does seem a bit aggravating. She popped into the diary room twice yesterday to thank BB for putting grapes on the shopping list. "I love fruit, grapes are like my best friend," she simpered. She also asked Rex a series of banal questions about how he made his biscuits. "Did you put an egg in?" she asked, clearly auditioning for a presenting role on daytime TV. Kick her in the fanny, Jen! She's asking for trouble!
 
In other news, Becs bitched she didn't want Kat to win, reducing Kat to a blubbering, hysterical mess. It was like watching a Picachoo toy getting its stuffing ripped out.
 
Primark Wonder Woman Lisa continues with her tantalising revelations on her amazing past. "Every time I tried to get into modelling, something happened," she said. We know! We've seen the pictures of her flashing her norks in a pinnie! "All my life, wherever I've gone, people ask if I'm a model. I just say 'yes'. It upsets me when girls are anorexic or boromic." Keep it up Lisa, you're a rival for Mario's comedy crown.

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