CHOPPER!

In hindsight the first week fake marriage task was an absolute stroke of genius. Sure, it drove a 19-year-old girl to the brink of mental collapse and saw her C-list celebrity dreams turn to dust but hey-ho – at least it stirred up a bit of drama.

What have we got these days? A snoozy 'Big Brother orchestra' task. Look how they bugger up playing 'When The Saints Go Marching In'! Hirarious! Zzzzz. Half the show was spent watching the likes of random brunette Rachel blow a flute in the toilet (not for the first time, ho ho) the other following Mad Alex cajole Mohammed into having a punch up with Rex.

Nutbag: "I'm sick of watching him talk to you like you're his dog. He wouldn't let you use onions. It's degrading!"

Mohammed: "I haven't noticed him being rude."

Stick to your guns, Mo! If Rex was being rude to Mo he'd soon know about it. After all, a mere two years ago Mo brawled with a van load of coppers and bit through one of their fingers. Drama! Bite Alex's face off, Mo, you know she deserves it.

More slack-jawed topless action from ideas-machine Dale, who mused, "Pople are quick to talk about each other in here." Meaning ginger toff chef Rex is topping some 'fanciable housemate' polls. While sans-vest Rex's copious freckles make him resemble one of those extra-terrestrials from 'Alien Nation' but he gave an expert onion-slicing demonstration. We like a man who knows how to use his chopper etc etc. Hooray!

BAck your favourites to win here!