My eyes!!! I was not prepared for the blood curdling spectacle that greeted my gaze on the live coverage last night. 15 housemates, vats of booze and a game of truth or dare - what could possibly go wrong? This; Carole giving millionaire Jonathan a peck on the lips, freaky Seany and Gerry giving each other a truly grizzly, heave-inducing tongue sandwich and queen of discretion Charley bellowing 'have you wanked him off yet?' to Chanelle in front of the entire group. Bleurk. Although, to be fair, this was a more impressive spectacle than watching her rage for five hours solid about someone eating her pasta.
Big Brother On The Couch rumbles towards inevitable premature cancellation. Davina is pushing 40 but June Sarpong has more presentational gravitas. Gooning it up and trying to be funny is all very well if you're actually funny Div, you aren't. It's not cute, it's cringe worthy. To add insult to injury they booked the Independent's pet fat poofter Johann Hari to stick his two pence in about Gerry and Seany. He rabbited away about Seany's "anger". Unfortunately he was chatting crap in front of a fully-qualified psychologist with wonky teeth who looked like she was sucking lemons through his entire 5 minute moronic monologue. Have these broadsheet twonks got no shame? Big deal you went to Cambridge. I once used a zebra crossing, book me on Newsnight now, I'm an expert on traffic-flow management and the congestion charge.
Meanwhile tree surgeon Liam is our favourite new housemate purely because he's not taken in by the Nazi twins routine. 'They're more street wise than a pack of meercats' he opined. Hooray!
Watch this weekend's BB for free here.
