Big Brother 8 – In A Nutshell

Big Brother's eighth outing began as an all-female house. As the eleven women entered, each one was more horrified at the prospect than the last.

Enter Ziggy, formerly of also-ran boyband Northern Line, much to the ladies' relief. He had the task of dating each housemate before deciding that Chanelle was probably the least mental, and picking her. They may even have had sex.

Seany and Gerry arrived to add more testosterone to the house but there was a twist. They were both gay. Well, Gerry definitely was.

Lesley (the old one with the posh voice) decided to leave and no one really cared.

Charley either name-dropped or picked fights, but was shocked when Emily ("There's a new music taking over our country and it's called indie") used a racist word. Emily got the boot. Big Brother can't condone that kind of behaviour. Not after Jadegate.

More heterosexual men entered the house.

Charley and Brian were treated to time alone in a caravan, Brian clearly being so terrified during this ordeal that he wet the bed.

Carole moaned and did a lot of cleaning. Liam was chosen to win £100,000 and so could carry on smug in the knowledge that whatever happened during the rest of the show he was in the money.

Charley got evicted, slagged everyone off and was then allowed back in.

A Big Brother halfway house was unveiled with five new contestants. All were allowed in the Big Brother house briefly, but Jonty and Kara-Louise were there to stay.

Ziggy and Chanelle broke up, got back together, then broke up again with Chanelle finally walking out to embark on a career impersonating Victoria Beckham.

Twins Sam and Amanda became one contestant and were favourites to win until the nation decided Brian, a bed-wetting ignoramus, but quite charming with it, was more worthy. Everyone seemed happy with this apart from the three you just know will be struggling hardest to maintain their brief Z-list celebrity status: Charley, Chanelle and Ziggy.

Other people did other things throughout the series but, to be honest, I either can't remember them or don't care. Roll on next year.