Day one in the big brother house
DAY ONE: May 31st
Day one in the big brother house |
Another year, another bunch of fame-hungry delusion-oids queuing up for our scorn and ridicule but - twist- they're all birds! At least until tomorrow night when a willy-wielder is thrown in to 'spice' the pit of broiling lady-hormones up a bit. Zzzz. The cast so far is a ropey old round up of China White refugees and post-menopausal oddballs but do wily Endemol have another twist up their sleeves?
That Shabnam - one-time winner of Harrod's 'most enthusiastic employee' award - looks like she used too be a bloke if you ask us, as does caravan-dwelling Carol Thatcher chav-a-like Tracey. Spot the tranny, moles, and win a fabulous prize*
It's nice to see producers have put a line-up of high-achieving, aspirational, go-getters in there, getting pissed and piddling about in pink tutus. Charley has been sacked from hundreds of jobs but doesn't give a shit because her football player cousin's bought her a mini. Nicky meanwhile 'loves smoking', thinks 'love is for losers' and dreams of shagging Calum Best. Calum Best! Reach for the stars why don't you Nick? Don't give up on those dreams! We're sure a Best-brand
dose of vaginal warts will be with you on your eviction night, don't you fret.
Luckily our heroine, Millie Tant, will be on hand to pop your pustules. Yes, Carole the unemployed sex health worker is the early star of the show - clumping about in her boots, cackling like Fenella the Kettle Witch and threatening to 'shake people shitless'. Poor old Carole has spent a lifetime dedicated to political protest (and guzzling Fruit And Nut all night thanks to 'a rare eating disorder') so we're looking forward to the spectacle of her educating Dumb and Dumber, Barbie-loving twins Sam and Amanda, on the ins and outs of why the government should scrap Trident.
Oh, and Emily 'have you ever heard of indie music' the Peaches Geldoff lookalike is the forerunner for being this year's Grace Muppetface hate figure. Mark our words! Get her out!
*not included
That Shabnam - one-time winner of Harrod's 'most enthusiastic employee' award - looks like she used too be a bloke if you ask us, as does caravan-dwelling Carol Thatcher chav-a-like Tracey. Spot the tranny, moles, and win a fabulous prize*
It's nice to see producers have put a line-up of high-achieving, aspirational, go-getters in there, getting pissed and piddling about in pink tutus. Charley has been sacked from hundreds of jobs but doesn't give a shit because her football player cousin's bought her a mini. Nicky meanwhile 'loves smoking', thinks 'love is for losers' and dreams of shagging Calum Best. Calum Best! Reach for the stars why don't you Nick? Don't give up on those dreams! We're sure a Best-brand
dose of vaginal warts will be with you on your eviction night, don't you fret.
Luckily our heroine, Millie Tant, will be on hand to pop your pustules. Yes, Carole the unemployed sex health worker is the early star of the show - clumping about in her boots, cackling like Fenella the Kettle Witch and threatening to 'shake people shitless'. Poor old Carole has spent a lifetime dedicated to political protest (and guzzling Fruit And Nut all night thanks to 'a rare eating disorder') so we're looking forward to the spectacle of her educating Dumb and Dumber, Barbie-loving twins Sam and Amanda, on the ins and outs of why the government should scrap Trident.
Oh, and Emily 'have you ever heard of indie music' the Peaches Geldoff lookalike is the forerunner for being this year's Grace Muppetface hate figure. Mark our words! Get her out!
*not included
Holy Moly,
Big Brother,
Endemol,
Channel 4,
Amanda,
Carole,
Chanelle,
Charley,
Emily,
Laura,
Lesley,
Nicky,
Sam,
Shabnam,
Tracey
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