Big Brother: The End

On the eve of the final, Big Brother treated the housemates to their last supper and a few moments to deliver a farewell speech - just as if they were prisoners on death row about to face execution. Now there's a thought.

There was inevitable tension in the air on the final night and Jonty was first to leave, coming in sixth, swiftly followed by Carole in fifth. Both exited together but were given separate interviews. Davina, still not giving Jeremy Paxman any sleepless nights, quizzed Jonty mainly about his constant farting. Carole later revealed that she wasn’t expecting to be in the house for as long as she was, and given how she entered to screams across the nation's loving rooms of "Grothbags!" and "It's Millie Tant!" I'm pretty surprised too.

Ziggy came fourth, but should have been given the boot on day one. Discussing any future with Chanelle he made a vomit-inducing reference to "sexy time", before quickly adding "but only if she accepts". Yes, Ziggy, otherwise it would be rape.

Liam was third, although he probably didn't mind much as he had already bagged £100,000. With only Brian and Samanda left in the house, I thought it was a dead cert that the twins would be victorious. All until Davina announced that the winner of Big Brother 2007 was... Brian!

I must admit I was slightly pleased.

Sweet as they may be, the twins' interview was as essentially flavourless as they are; everything was 'triple cringe', 'dead cringe' or just plain 'cringe'. I cringed.

Brian announced he'd be spending his winnings at Lakeside shopping centre, leaving me wondering whether giving him £100,000 was entirely wise. It must be true love with Amanda, however. When given the choice of her or Bianca Gascoigne, he picked Amanda. Is this how love is measured now?

Shakespeare, when not turning in his grave, will haunt Brian for life. When asked if he knew who Shakespeare was, Brian told Davina that he was the director responsible for 'Romeo + Juliet'. Close, but no cigar.