JESSICA SIMPSON IS 'HURTING' FAT PEOPLE

Now reading a headline like that you'd expect a crude story along the lines of Jessica Simpson dishing out Chinese burns to chubby kids, or calling them names. You could even be led to believe that she has a whole stand-up comedy routine revolving around deeply wrong 'You're so fat, you...' gags that have punchlines like 'you beep when you walk backwards', 'have your own postcode', 'go to the beach and get rolled back in to the sea' and so on. But no..

In fact it is none of these. The truth is Jessica has banned the release of a fitness DVD she recorded back in the 'Dukes Of Hazzard' days for a company called Speedfit (like Kwikfit but they work on different spare tyres).

The Speedfit owner wants compensation to the tune of £5m because withholding the DVD is "hurting millions of fat people in America" apparently. Err, no, that would be guzzling down tons of fast food and not doing any excercise wouldn't it?

But, more importantly, what about compensation for the literally tens of people who have watched any of her films or heard her singing