RAY J-ING BULL

Whitney Houston may have the voice of an angel but her taste in men is hovering perilously close to the gutter. After she split up with husband Bobby Brown, for a while she dated the hip hop idiot Ray J, a man who had previously filmed himself urinating on US model Kim Kardashian then selling the tape on to the media. A prince among men, in other words.

Following Bobby Brown's tell-all revelations in his upcoming book, Ray J has ridden to Whitney's defence in shining armour on a big white horse. Well almost.

He's written a song about Bobby, though 'written' might be too kind a word for a random stream of consciousness that a mollusc with learning difficulties might go back and re-work.

This, I believe, is what they call a 'dis song', which I am informed is a song that shows disrespect towards the subject, a little like Frankie's 'F.U.R.B.' or Mr. Blobby's 'Fuck You, Edmonds'.

Ray J is truly the Chaucer for the 21st century, so take THIS, Bobby Brown!

"Is that your wife, is that your shorty, well I'm her boyfriend . . . I think the problem is you don't beat it right... Making love is cool, just pull her hair sometimes."

Wow! There it is, the greatest put down since the IRA took a hammer to Shergar's skull. Whatever you do, don't make this lyrical grandmaster mad or he'll be penning couplets about you smelling and not brushing your teeth after drinking fizzy pop.