RAIDERS OF THE LOST CAUSE

Poor old Tom Cruise. Since he began talking about his 'religion' at every opportunity his popularity seems to have diminished, as have the numbers of people wanting to ay good money to see his ridiculous head floating about in the cinema. Now 'Valkyrie', his latest snappily-titled film is attracting criticism from all sides. Tom plays Colonel Claus con Stauffenberg, a German general who hatches a plot to kill Hitler. And plays him really badly. With a perfect Californian accent.

It's a shame as Tom knows a lot about history. And psychiatry. And curing people from drug addiction, but it looks as though his ability to choose a decent script has been blown to smithereens in a volcano some time ago. Even if the film were incredibly well written it's hard to remember the last time we were expected to cheer on a 'good Nazi', which is what Tom is supposed to portray. But it appears the film isn't that well written. Surprise.

Critic Roger Friedman is pointing out that the dialogue is perhaps not the strongest point in the film, though it is better than the acting and the direction. Here's an example…

"When the SS catch you they will pull you apart like warm bread!"

Horrific image, I'm sure you'll agree. Hopefully it has a nice Hollywood ending with Tom throttling Hitler before roaring away with Eva Braun (his secret love) on the back of a huge Japanese motorbike. I'd watch that. You can watch the trailer here.

Or you can pull your own eyeballs out of their sockets and allow them to rest on your cheeks. It's up to you.