Tom Cruise may buy David Beckham's new US football club

Cruise The Boss?

Published on Fri 22 June 2007 by IanMcShane

Tom Cruise may buy David Beckham's new US football club

It's reported that Tom Cruise is to jettison an escape pods from his mother ship and fall to Earth in an attempt to buy complete control of 'LA Galaxy', the football team that's providing David Beckham's latest opportunity to stand on the touchline, look furious and gesticulate at less talented team mates.

Surprisingly, Cruise can pick up the team for less than GBP£40m. I mean surprising in the sense that £40m is less than David's wages for ten months of a single season, so someone more cynical might suggest that Beckham's contract has well and truly broken the bank for the club's current owners.

Just a little something makes me suspect that Cruise isn't going into football to make money.

The minute the diminutive high priest of L Ron Hubbard's ridiculous and parasitical faith sees the headline, "Tom Cruise Takes Over Galaxy," he'll be engorged with such self-lust that half of Hollywood will have to duck as he flings his seedy Engrams all over the shop.

Tom Cruise, David Beckham, LA Galaxy, Holy Moly, Celebrity News, Gossip

pass it on print article

DAY TWO IN VEGAS
LILY ALLEN LASHES OUT AGAIN
THE TALE OF JACK AND AMY
HERBIE: FULLY CLOTHED
NEWSMOUND

GREG'S NASTIES
ACTING UP
MILLER�S CROSSING (THE ATLANTIC)
WORKING 9 TO 9.05
BACKE ON TEH DRUGGES AGANE!

COMMENTS

		on Fri 22 June 2007 said... Absolute, total fucking space cadet. He's welcome to the galaxy as long as I can shaft his missus up the wrong'un.
		Sundaeg1rl on Fri 22 June 2007 said... For £50 he could have Torquay United
		Ingrate on Fri 22 June 2007 said... That last bit is hilarious. Beckham would have more impact in the US if he became the next evil Scientologist
		DickMarsh on Fri 22 June 2007 said... Ahem.....
		on Fri 22 June 2007 said... Tapper calm down. DM would have her head in a toilet. LD would be violently removing the back doors...or possibly delivering a text book donkey punch...or possibly going for a Zombie...or a dirty sanchez...or...fuck it you get the point.
		Cuntybollocks on Fri 22 June 2007 said... I understand they're re-naming their football championship "The World Trophy". The Cuntnards.
		DickMarsh on Fri 22 June 2007 said... How do all septic fucktards get brainwashed by this cult? aliens, galactic lords, volcanos............CUNTS !!!
		on Fri 22 June 2007 said... Yeah, I wouldn't tread on DM toes, toilet business is, well, er...his business, and as Harlequin said, I'm more of a backroom sort of guy. However, for this fine mentalist bitch I'd expect nothing less than a blumpkin follwed by an angry pirate (so that sort of strays into DM's territory a bit)....No doubt!
		DickMarsh on Fri 22 June 2007 said... Oh yeah, Tom is Johns bitch too. He bums him with his head in the liquid/solid waste dispersal unit of their mothership
		TapperZukie on Fri 22 June 2007 said... sorry i got all over excited then for a minute what with it bein friday and all that. I think george W could come into his own with this lot and nuke em when they're all at one of their mentalist alien gatherings - what is the world coming to I ask ya
		Cuntybollocks on Fri 22 June 2007 said... Tapper, didn't some cunt called Xenu already try nuking these cunts? I thought that was the basis of their collective delusion.
		Cuntybollocks on Fri 22 June 2007 said... Just looking at that picture again; looks like someone shouted out "Tom! How big is your cock when it's angry?"
		on Fri 22 June 2007 said... LD is that you behind him? He's looking very surprised in that pic...
		TapperZukie on Fri 22 June 2007 said... Quite possibly cunty but couldn't say for sure! Just a fuckin shame he missed - what a twunt!
		pondscum on Fri 22 June 2007 said... You are all spelling the team wrong. It's called GAYlaxy.
		on Fri 22 June 2007 said... Where's Geoff Wode, I miss him......
		on Fri 22 June 2007 said... I DEMAND TO HAVE SOME BOOZE!!
		on Fri 22 June 2007 said... POETS day Harlequin?
		ickleoli on Fri 22 June 2007 said... Do you think anyone would notice if i stuck a shotgun up his galaxy toting ass, then pebbledashed the ceiling with his head? At least then i could ram his Girlfriends Creek without fear of reprisal from a mad scientist
		on Fri 22 June 2007 said... Quite LD. As the mighty Geoff Wode would say: I'm going to pull your head off, because I don't like your head. (Had a Withnail session last night hence the superfluous quoting)
		Geoff Wode on Fri 22 June 2007 said... You terrible cunt.
		on Fri 22 June 2007 said... goes deathly quite on newspage Geoff Wode strides through, nobody dare look him in the eye * a small child cries in its mothers arms* clock ticking...... GW re-sheaths penis
		on Fri 22 June 2007 said... I don't advise a haircut, man. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Hairs are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos, and transmit them directly into the brain. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
		on Fri 22 June 2007 said... Who are you talking to Harlequin?
		DickMarsh on Fri 22 June 2007 said... Am I Geoff Wode or not, fuck this is confusing and a little scary