RONALDO'S 'STAIN'

So Ronaldo has broken his silence over that small matter of hiring three trannies, buying some drugs and being blackmailed. And he chose his words well: "It will stain my life forever," he quipped to the world's sniggering media. He probably hopes that's the end of the matter but when he starts playing again can you imagine what fans in the stadium will be singing at him? "Once, twice, three times a ladyboy?"

Will he ever live this down? He'd better hope someone like Michael Owen gets into bestiality to take the attention away. AND the three transvestites keep making it worse for him: Andreia and Carla (the clues were in the names there, Ron) both claim that he treated them with caresses and called them princess. Prince Albert more like.

Amazingly Ronaldo's girlfriend has forgiven him so we suggest they just put this behind them, have a romantic night in with a takeaway and nice DVD...

'The Crying Game', maybe.