Mick Jagger - Paint It Magnolia

Sir Mick Jagger has decided that he will write his autobiography because it would be "rather dull".

Of course it would. Those tales about being given blowjobs by groupies from sunrise to sunset? Too dull. Mental sex parties, drug binges and beautiful, naked women having chocolate tucked away in their mimsies? Yawn! Having to tour with Brian Jones and forcing the man, his huge drug habit and those massive bags under his eyes onto a tour bus every night? Barely worth a mention.

I'm loathe to call Jagger a lying bastard, but perhaps these days he's so content with his knighthood that he'd rather be remembered as a notoriously tight-fisted cricket fan rather than one of the defining icons of the 1960s.

Mick, don't be such a dull old twat and spill the beans. You're making Bill Wyman and his metal detecting look almost interesting. Almost.