"You're Hired... Come Back, You Bastard!"

Far be it from me to mess up the finale of the excellent 'The Apprentice', but Sir Alan Sugar's poorly-landscaped face appeared to be in some distress when he announced "You're hired!" only for his latest Apprentice to promptly reply: "Fuck off, fuzzy jowls!"

The show was filmed last summer, which makes Brummy babbler Adrian Chiles' tension-stirring gurnings on the horrible follow-up show all the sadder, since they all know exactly who has won. And have done since last July.

I won't spill the name of the weak-chinned twat who was chosen as winner, but suffice it to say that the publicity-hungry grunter was more interested in getting on TV than ending up as a yes-person for an obscure arm of the Amstrad brand. Which is actually fair enough, turning down two jobs in favour of spending "more time with the family". Or more time with a friendly, publicity-savvy agent.

Sir Alan, "You're fucked!"