HOW WEAK IS YOUR LUNG?

Our thoughts and condolences go out to the family and fellow band members of Take That's Howard Donald, whose medical condition has been described as 'unsatisfactory and confused', much like his onstage performances. Howard was taken to a hospital in Vienna after experiencing breathing difficulties during a stage show.

The Austrian concert went ahead with the band performing as a three piece, somehow managing to muddle by without Howard's out of tune Chewbacca noises and his soulful break-dancing during the power ballads (despite the fact he has been asked repeatedly not to do this).

"I've never had to miss a show before, it's unbelievably frustrating being sat in a hospital when I should be on stage with the guys," said Howard, painfully chewing on every syllable before applauding himself for doing a big, long sentence without Uncle Gary guiding him.

The band were equally emotional on the subject of their fallen comrade.

"Our friend's health is of the utmost priority and we wish him a speedy recovery, we'll make sure tonight's show is still a fantastic experience for the fans," or in other words, 'we're still playing, so no refunds'.

It appears that the problem started when Howard landed awkwardly on his back attempting the splits (at age 39), resulting eventually in a collapsed lung. Get well soon, Howard, or the band might have to resort to wheeling out a six-foot high hedge on castors to disguise your absence. Again.