TOP BUN

It's lovely to see Tom Cruise splashing out some Earth currency on his daughter Suri's birthday party, but perhaps he went a little over the top by spending around $100,000 on a party for a two-year-old? Hey, it's only money, and the Earth dollar is faring badly against the Venusian Kwarg in the currency exchanges, so maybe Tom is right. It's not as though a two-year-old would forget any details of such a party anyway, is it?

Guests at the party included Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy (almost ready for the Scientology reaping), the Beckhams (too idiotic and gaudy, even for the Mother Ship) and Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith (already fully indoctrinated but refusing to acknowledge the fact).

So, where did all that money go? Well, $45,000 on catering, $17,000 on fresh Earth flowers (which Tom probably ate mistaking them for 'human food') and a princely $5,000 on cakes. Cakes! Two and a half thousand dollars on cakes, the fucking idiots! Every guest received a personalised cake, reports Tom smugly.

Yes, probably one that waits until the guest is asleep at home and then emits gas and a recorded message urging them to battle Xenu and to give up a significant amount of their income to a certain 'Church'. Now that's personalised