POW! LOW ROSSI

Do you imagine that Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse will be losing much sleep over the fact that Francis Rossi from Status Quo isn't their biggest fan? Hardly. The waistcoated-pensioner market is hardly their prime target, after all.

The man who wears waistcoats and denim jeans ("The top says I mean business, the bottom says 'Let's Party!'") hit out at the pair in yesterday's Daily Record...

"Amy is supposed to be great but I can't stick her... Doherty, on the other hand, isn't even worth entertaining. At least Amy has serious talent. Pete hasn't got anything."

His invective is as inventive as his chord progressions then. Seriously, being savaged by Francis Rossi must be like being attacked by a large friendly poodle. There's no real danger, but it's embarassing to have such attention slathered onto you.

You know how ridiculous you'll look, because whilst it's licking your face, you have absolutely no idea where its penis is. And that penis could be touching any part of your body. You won't be physically scarred, but the mental trauma...