THE MILLER'S TALE

What better way to assure the world that you're not cheating on your wife with one of the world's most gossiped about actresses than being photographed kissing her on a yacht? What better way? Why don't you get her to forget to put a top on while you're doing it. And what about Sienna Miller - she managed to ruin at least six people's lives in one weekend, not bad going.

If you didn't see it, Sienna Miller was spotted kissing the man she is accused of having an affair with over the weekend.

This Balthazar Getty guy, who should by rights be leading a platoon of cavalry into some sort of 19th Century battle with a name like that, is becoming our favourite tabloid character. After denying he is romantically involved with Sienna Miller two weeks ago, he then flew to Italy to have crisis talks with his wife (with whom he has four kids, what a nice man) but accidentally took his alleged mistress along with him.

Now he's been photographed snogging Sienna, who must be on a personal mission to drive Rhys Ifans to an early alcoholic grave, while she sunbathed topless on a yacht.

Speaking to the Daily Mail about the rumours two weeks ago, he said: "It's not true. No truth, no truth to any of that."

Are you standing by that still?

A source said: "Sienna is totally besotted with Balthazar. Their relationship has gone from strength to strength over the past month and Sienna finds him utterly irresistible."

How to fuck off as many people as possible in one easy move by Sienna Miller - casualty count so far on this one - Rhys Ifans, Mrs Getty, Mrs Getty's FOUR kids. That's pretty good going.