STONE'S SPIDERS LEGS

All hail Ernest Borgnine. Not only is he an Oscar winning actor who went on to star in 'Airwolf' (perhaps the greatest helicopter-based show starring Jan-Michael Vincent of all time) but he has provided more evidence in his new autobiography of what a grade-A bitch Sharon Stone is. We needed little proof after Sharon described the Chinese earthquakes as 'karma', but here it is anyway.

The pair performed together in the Wes Craven film 'Deadly Blessing' (no, me neither) and for one scene Sharon was required to be in close proximity to a tarantula spider. Stone reluctantly agreed to appear in the scene under one condition, according to Ernest.

"Sharon wanted the spider's pincers removed... Since someone from the ASPCA might be reading, let's just skip what happened next."

I guess that means they removed the pincers. Naturally PETA, the most self-righteous group on the planet, have become involved, issuing a statement which probably stank of patchouli oil and smugness.

"She chose to make a tiny insect an amputee. Perhaps she should change her name legally to 'Heart of Stone.'"

Brilliant wit, though technically isn't a spider an arachnid rather than an insect - surely PETA should know better? It's a shame the spider didn't have a clause in his contract stating that he would be prepared to work with Sharon Stone as long as she had her tuppence sewn up. Better safe than sorry, after all.

So well done, Ernest, though if this is the juiciest extract of his autobiography then it's not likely to be flying off the shelves any time soon. He'd better get some real gossip on Stringfellow Hawke.