NEVER SHAY NEVER AGAIN

Well, as if the Screenwriter's Guild hasn't suffered enough with the recent strike in the US, Sean Connery has come along and reduced the writers to tears by loftily announcing that he will never make another film again. Please, Sean, say it isn't so! Film makers have been crying out for a versatile actor to play a range of parts with a husky, lispy Edinburgh accent, and no one doesh accshentsh like Sean.

'The Hunt For Red October'? "Yesh, I'm a Russhian shubmarine commander with a Scottish accshent." 'Highlander'? "Yesh, I'm portraying an immortal Schpanish Egyptian, but with an accent twisht." And don't get me started on his frankly ludicrous Irish-American Oscar-winning performanshe in 'The Untouchables' where he made Kevin Costner look enigmatic and edgy.

But it's all over now. He has already turned down five filmsh with $40m plus budgets, including the latest Indiana Jones movie where he was invited to reprise his role as the hero's father. With an Edinburgh accent.

"It's over. I will never do another film," he solemnly vowed, though as his wife pointed out immediately, "He's said that twice before!" Before he gave her a good slap to keep her in line, because as he's noted before, that's exactly what women need sometimes.

He may mean it this time. After the way he chewed up the schenery in 'The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen' even his monstrous ego should admit it'sh time to call it a day, or give it a resht.