ROMPER STOMPER WHIMPER

At a time when celebrities are self-analysing themselves to the point of stupidity, news comes that Russell Crowe has finally sorted out his bitter little rages and he has also worked out what was causing them in the first place.

It was low self-esteem after all. Psychologists in every country will be slapping their foreheads and crying "Of course! Why didn't I spot that years ago?" Perhaps because Russell hid it so well behind the 'mask' of an arrogant bully with an inflated sense of self-worth? Well, at last the brave little bunny rabbit has drummed up the confidence to tell the world, albeit in a quavery lickle voice and with moist eyes.

"Any negativity I had with it stems from self-worth issues. I don't rate myself or consider myself to be worthy of that sort of thing. So when people approach me my reaction is sometimes negative. But I'm a lot calmer with it now."

Which will be a relief to the next poor sod who gets a phone bounced off their head.

Next week, Mel Gibson says, "I don't have a drink problem, I just wasn't hugged enough as a child."