LET ME TENT-ERTAIN YOU

If there was ever an argument for forced labour then Robbie Williams's behaviour since he finished his mammoth tour last year is surely it. The bottom line is that if you're left to your own devices all day without a jot to do, you go mental and start believing half-baked conspiracy theories and that aliens want to talk to you...

After starting to resemble something of a portly Martian himself, the Robster has decided he wants to get a better chance of spying on some of his intergalactic porky brethren by going out to camp in the Californian wilderness where the skies are clearer.

A source said: "Rob has been taking pals out to the woods for long weekends. He wants to live like a cowboy in a Western. He also has a fascination with UFOs and thinks he has more chance of seeing one away from LA's bright lights."

Leaving all the 'camping it up', Brokeback Mountain jibes to The Sun, someone needs to hammer a tent peg deep into Robbie's skull and give him a lobotomy quick before he goes too far and starts using his massive wealth and crazy ideas for some Dr Evil-style world takeover.

Or before he can record another album...