GET OFF YOUR HIGH HAT

Ringo Starr recently helped launch Liverpool as the European Capital of Culture for 2008 and an incredible phalanx of stars turned up to see the event, with both Sinbad and Mick from 'Brookside' in attendance. Ringo used the jolly to earn lots more money, sing his latest single, 'Liverpool 8' (a passionate song about the number of minutes it took him to get out of the city once he'd earned a few quid), and in a surprise move he also talked to anyone who would listen about The Beatles and how he had been a member of the group.

He also explains why the quality of the drumming on tracks such as 'Back in the USSR', 'The Ballad of John and Yoko' and 'Dear Prudence' is so different to that found on the rest of the band's catalogue. It's better. Because Paul McCartney played the drums on those tracks.

No doubt we'll get the usual Ringo-istas mailing in to say what a fantastic drummer he was. Well, he wasn't. He was rubbish, and deep down in his black little heart he knows it, hence his protests every time he brings a new record out and it dribbles below the radar of the charts.

"Ooh, that Paul!" whined Ringo, "Every time I went for a cup of tea, he was on the drums. You couldn't get the bugger off. I wasn't there for those songs." Which shows how desperate they were to get the drum track out of the way by taking advantage of Ringo's tea break. It's a wonder more Beatles tracks don't sound like Napalm Death songs speeded up.

"But he's not half as good as me. He's an incredible bass player, but he's not a great drummer. George Harrison had his own way of playing drums, John Lennon had his own way of playing them, too. They'd hit them about a bit but they couldn't really play."

They'd hit the drums about a bit, Ringo would give them full GBH and a visit to casualty. Anyway, Ringo's new single is out now, and if the lyrics are as self-deluded as the man himself, it's sure to be a hit.