Valley Of the doll

Be afraid. Twisted fount of all evil Ray Quinn is back, and this time he’s made a video. The 'X-Factor' runner-up has been sunning his scary plastic features in Las Vegas, preparing his sticky little assault on the charts... and the pockets of cooing grandmothers throughout the nation.

Sexless Ray’s first single is ‘Smile’, with a promo shot around some of the legendary Rat Pack haunts. No doubt it will feature Ray in a tuxedo, sitting on a much larger man’s knee and protesting that he "doesn’t want to go gack in the gox".

Word also reaches us that Ray currently has three stylists on hand to tend to his quiff. What the fuck do they do all day?