I BELIEVE I'M ON TRIAL

Not long to go now in the R Kelly trial where the R&B star is accused of sleeping with a 13 year-old girl. After two days evidence the defence rested its case, to the surprise of many observers who at least expected them to try a little bit. Kelly himself declined to give evidence, no doubt fearing he might break out into a chorus of "ooh babys" and "I'm gonna make sweet love to you woman" before he could help himself.

The most impressive piece of evidence (for the prosecution) was a videotape of the alleged incident, showing a mole of the back of the man having vigorous sex with a minor, a mole which appears to match one that Kelly carries around in exactly the same position. A real problem for the defence?

Of course not. They wheeled in an expert to declare that the mark could be "video noise", where dark spots appear at random on a tape. And unfortunately for Kelly, the "video noise" in this tape happens to keep re-appearing just at the spot of his own spot. Unlucky or what?

A truly great defence, up there with, "My hand's too big for that glove" and a personal favourite, "God made me do it." Should keep the jury busy for hours, that explanation.