THE SHIT HITS THE FAN

A few lucky fans managed to see Pete Doherty perform his unique brand of bland at the Powers Bar in Kilburn on Wednesday night after the low-key gig was announced via the internet. You can tell the quality of an artist by the quality of the fans, so guess which artist would have the most misguided, self-obsessed and foolish fans around? Step forward Pete and your legion of misfits, pretentious kids and downright criminally idiotic...

One fan called Charlie Cameron decided to wear a Queen’s Park Rangers top to the gig, seeing as the porky ex-heroin addict supports the football team, presumably so he could shout ‘Pete, look at me, I know all about you and I’m not scary/stalky in the slightest!’

Cameron became so caught up in the magic of the performance that he took his shirt off and launched it at Doherty, who immediately grabbed it and kept it, because he loves the club and not because he could flog it later. Despite throwing it at the stage, silly young Charlie decided he wanted his shirt back. To his credit, Doherty ignored him.

Bad move. The idiotic fan decided to try to grab the shirt back at the end of the gig as Doherty walked past. Sigh. Guess what happened next. It may be a sign of how low the NME has sunk when they are interviewing obsessive fans rather than artists, but here’s what he had to say…

"He didn’t hit me hard. It was a bit of a brush. But I had to go home wearing a jacket and nothing else. But he’s welcome to the shirt!"

Presumably that’s why you threw it at him, you utter fucking idiot. You wouldn’t want it back anyway. It’ll be covered in cat hair, blood and Pot Noodle by now.