SUMMERTIME BLUES

Paula Abdul has announced on her website that her new album will be released in the summer. There it is. The sentence I always hoped I would never have to type. It's DEFCON one for the entertainment industry. This is not a drill (though the album may sound like the dentist's). Go to your homes, board up the windows and under no circumstances turn on the radio or emerge from your shelter until 2012. Quite how Paula has the cheek to appear in public, never mind release a new album after her disastrous miming at last Sunday's Superbowl, is beyond comprehension or rational thought.

The grateful world has been celebrating 13 long, glorious years since her last album, 'Head Over Heels', came out. That was released in 1995 though shortly afterwards it was rounded up and humanely destroyed in bargain bins across the world to protect the innocent.

Is it too soon to release an album when the horrors of the Superbowl performance are still fresh and painful in people's memories? The only people applauding that night were the dentists of America, who were soon to see a procession of patients with their teeth ground down to the gums.

If there is a God, (and we're all praying that there is at this moment) maybe Paula will re-consider this course of action when she sobers up and go back to doing what she does best: bleating and whining on the panel of 'American Idol'. At least she's behind a desk on that and not fouling up a stage with her performances.