SNORT TRUE

When the cowboy out of The Village People speaks, right-minded people around the world listen. Randy Jones (which is apparantly his real name and not a description) has claimed that he spent a drug-fuelled evening with Paris Hilton's mother and father at New York's legendary club Studio 54.

Speaking to the New York Daily News, Randy failed to explain exactly what the hell he was doing hooking up with Rick and Kathy Hilton, but he revealed that they shared a table in the club and spent the night chasing various sprinkles of white powder around the glamorous formica table top, though you'd think that such a rich and glamorous couple would be hanging out with much bigger stars. The copper and the workman from The Village People for a start.

"There was one rock of cocaine left, and it rolled off the table," miaowed Jones, "They just didn't even bother bringing it back up to a hard surface - they just crushed it into the carpet and snorted it off that."

Naturally Rick and Kathy Hilton have denied all knowledge of these matters, probably claiming that they have never heard of this 'cocaine' drug and that the family have traditionally never used their nostrils, even for breathing.

"Never happened," said Rick, "We didn't move to the city until 1979."

Well that's alright then, because it's actually illegal to sniff cocaine unless you live in New York. As long as they never even visited the city before 1979, this excuse is absolutely watertight.